Ok. So it's the summer and the kids are home.
Thought I would try to get all 3 of them to go grocery shopping just with me (instead of both myself and my husband). Since we've gone twice before, I thought third time's a charm. Sadly not. This grocery store had smaller carts and my kids like to hang on the sides, though I am hoarse with telling them not to.
Anyway, I'm checking out the meat counter when I notice my eldest at my elbow and then a moan and cry. You guessed it. He decided to listen to mom to "get off the cart" at the same time his little sister decided to climb on the other side. There she was laying on the floor with the cart on its side on her leg. Fortunately, I had only started shopping and there were not that many groceries inside. Nevertheless, it still is a heavy cart, even if it's a small one, to a small child.
I righted the cart, pulled my little girl up and held her awhile while shoppers carried on politely and my two older kids looked on silently for once. Oh she cried alright and so she should as she got a bit of a fright. We got home soon after and put an icepack on it for a bit. I thought her leg would bruise, but it only has a tiny scratch. She was fine enough to have lunch and even go to the library this afternoon. In fact, I think she has forgotten about it.
I, however, have not come out unscathed. I am really messed up about it. As a mom, I feel my job is to prevent bad stuff from happening. And when it does, as anyone with small children knows it will eventually, I get mad at myself.
My question is this: Does anyone have any tips on how to stop this "perfect mom" mentality? Or at least on how to better cope when things don't go as well as planned?
Signed,
Imperfectly Anonymous 6/27/2009
My 16 yr old son is stay with grandma, because he over passed the respect bounderies at home and now I feel like such a terrible mother for having him stay with family and not in our home.
-Anonymous 7/9/2009
I am a bad mom because I really resent feeling pressure to volunteer for my kids activities just because I stay-at-home! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy volunteer work. I prefer, however, volunteer work that I am passionate about and usually involves making a difference in this world. Not being the timer at a swim meet or helping with a party in a classroom full of overpriveledged children. I feel very sorry for the moms who try to control every aspect of their children's lives. The "helicopter moms." Who will they be when their children leave home? I really do not enjoy most of my friends that are stay-at-home mothers. The constant gossip, judgements of others to make themselves feel better and the energy they put into micro-managing their children... It exhausts me! But I play the game with a big fake-a$$ smile on my face. I wish my family lived in a hut in Africa. I hate midwest suburbia.
-Anonymous 7/6/2009
Sometimes I wait until my one year old is taking a nap to eat certain snack foods that I don't want to share with him, like sundae cones and pudding cups. :) Sometimes you just want to eat all of your food without a little face begging for a bite.
-Anonymous 7/2/2009
I'm a new mother and I'm not really sure how kids act since I was never really around them. I continue to tell my two and a half year old to sit down and watch t.v. I want time to myself.
-Anonymous 6/30/2009
While eating lunch at McDonald's one day, my 3y.o. daughter was screaming and being very loud. We threatened to call the cops on her if she didn't quiet down. As we were walking out, the older couple that was sitting a few booths across from us said, "Whatever you said to her sure did work! She was quiet instantly, you and your husband are doing a great job!"
I felt horrible!
-Anonymous 6/26/2009
My three year old son has been terrified of Deer since he saw a talking novelty one at our friends' house when he was 10 months old.
When he won't listen to my words, I say: "Deer ON" and he totally switches into Mr. Cooperation and says "Okay mommy!" while looking with a worried look behind him. ( I use it when he is about to do something dangerous like walk into our pool area without a mommy or daddy etc.)
He even "calls" the deer on my cell phone to tell him he is being a good boy.
I get sad when he asks every time the bathroom light is off if the deer is in there. I am for SURE going to hell.
The even worse part is I have been planning to tell him about the connection the "Deer" has with Santa this season. BAD MOMMY!
I love my son so much and I hope he will forgive me when he's all grown up and can laugh about it later. I would NEVER tell him the deer is coming for him or it's waiting in his bed, I just mention it in the two words "Deer ON" and it seems to work every time but I know his imagination can make it as though I AM saying those things. I know it's wrong.
Sorry honey, mommy does love you. XOXOXO I'll promise to work on it and find another way that isn't making you afraid of something.
Love, Mommy
-Anonymous 6/26/2009
As I sit here in total frustration I am so angry at my 17 year old son I can hardly hold it together. It is 2 PM and he is still in bed. I have woken hi up 3 times already and am so done I just want him out of the house. He is a good kid in so many ways except getting up, being respectful (has a mouth that won't quit) and honestly I am so done. I can't wait until he is 18 and moves out. Sick to death of being a parent.
-Anonymous 6/24/2009
is it bad that on somedays when it's raining, i'm happy because i don't feel bad about not taking my 2 1/2 year old out to play? i also spend occasional days on the computer all day while she watches tv and/or destoys the house...then i feel depressed because the house is a mess and i've done nothing all day. sometimes it's just easier to be at work! help me! i love my daughter but i feel so lazy and selfish sometimes!
-Anonymous 6/23/2009
I've never been one that like displays of affection, especially hugs. My 8 year old loves to hug, sometimes when I shew him away when he asks for what I feel are excessive hugs.
-Anonymous 6/22/2009
My 14 year old stepson gets on my nerves!! He is always ungrateful and whining. He wanted a graduation party, a sleepover and a birthday party this month. (He has two younger siblings - one who has a birthday soon and his dad/my husband has been unemployed for a few months so I have been taking care of all household expenses). He asked the kid down the street for his hand me downs because "his parents never buy him clothes". His mother is clinically depressed and basically homeless and does not do anything for him but he worships the ground she walks on and pisses on me. the last few days I have been wanting to move into an apartment and tell my husband to come visit me on the weekends and I'll move back in when his son goes to college. I love my husband and all of his kids to death (we don't have any together yet) but his oldest is a MONSTER and it is straining our relationship.
-Anonymous 6/21/2009
today i was really annoyed and pissed at my husband and i took it out on my children. i sceamed at my 9 year old to clean her room ( that wasnt even very messy ) and I riped my 2 year olds diaper off and spanked him as hard as i could whail he layed on the ground. then i screamed at him to go to his room and he ran, and just layed naked on his bed crying. Hoe do I ever come back from that. how could he ever forgive me?
-Anonymous 6/18/2009
I'm losing my mind. I only have one kid who's 8 and she's driving me crazy. I thought I had been a good mom, but I guess I was just kidding myself.
-Anonymous 6/18/2009
Im soo happy that Im not alone in feeling the way I do.. You ladies actually made me feel a hell of alot better..thank you.
-Anonymous 6/17/2009
Have you ALL lost your minds???
Why do you collectively subject yourselves to this personal torture?? My story (i'll try to keep it short...)
I had my three kids just about 2 years apart while being an army wife and following my husband on his duty assignments. My motto was.. if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. No matter where we were they knew it was MY house and MY word was law.I was never one of those huggy-feely Moms you see weeping at the bus stop on the first day of school.I leaned more towards the .. had you, raised you, now get the hell out while I still have a few good years left...school of parenting. Felt sorry for a little while that we dragged our kids away from friends and familiar surroundings every couple of years until my daughter put it to me this way...the way we grew up was the best way to prepare us for the everchanging world around us. Nothing stays the same, we have to adjust constantly and I know it's because you raised us to walk into any situation with our heads held high that i can now be a productive adult.
My son Steven is now a post graduate student at the Shenandoah Conservatory of Music persueing his Masters, my daughter Cathy has just graduated college with a Bachelor of Science, my son Alex is still hanging out on the couch entertaining his mother with his guitar playing while working at Wal-Mart
So you see, even if you do not give in to your child's every whim, even if they have to make adjustments in their lives, even if they are NOT the center of the Universe it IS possible to raise functioning adults without beating yourselves over the head and questioning the power you have as a mother in your child's life.
SO...lock the bathroom door while you take a bubble bath, sleep in on Saturday morning instead of going to dance class, admit to yourself that even YOU, Supermom, gets tired of the kids sometimes and ...yes, that's OK!...and know that your kids will thank you for it!!
-Anonymous 6/16/2009
Sometimes I just let them fight it out because I get so sick of hearing it I could just scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Anonymous 6/12/2009
Sometimes I wish I was divorced, just so my husband would be forced to take the kids for a weekend and I could get some alone time to go out and party
-Anonymous 6/12/2009
I hate that my daughter is out of preschool now. Having a four year old and a two year old home all day with me is driving me NUTS! I wish I could work 12 hour days and just do the tuck 'em in at night thing like most dads get to do. I just don't think I was ever meant for motherhood. I'm impatient, angry and yell ALL the time. I hate to say it, but I even curse at them. I love them with all my heart and still sneak into their rooms late at night to make sure they are tucked in but it seems like I should be able to handle things more calmly during the day. I'm due in 8 weeks. So a 4 year old, 2 year old and a new baby. How am I going to survive this???
-Anonymous 6/9/2009
I pretend my baby is sleeping in her crib, turn up the music, and wait another hour.
-Anonymous 6/6/2009
AS a kid I loved watching cartoons with my dad. Now on Sunday mornings I sleep in and my daughter and her dad watch cartoons. When I get up I watch cartoons too. We don't get dressed. We eat whatever we want, in front of the tv. For hours. I love it and don't feel guilty at all.
-Anonymous 6/6/2009
When my son is misbehaving, i tell him "be a nice boy or daddy will be mad" and he cries, but it straightens him out.
-Anonymous 6/5/2009
I let my kids watch TV, eat candy/chocolate, cry out loud, fight with each other, play in dirt etc. etc. and many times I act stubborn just like a child with them in order to tach them. I lose my patience on them and say sometime mean words that I shouldn't have. But all is OK because they know that I am doing this for them to be a better person one day (especially when I am the only one who has the job to discipline them). PS: I have 2 lovely boys and they are growing up just all right...so may be being bad afterall works to get the best out of my kids.
-Anonymous 6/4/2009
I left both kids home sick with their Daddy on Mother's Day so that I could go out for brunch with 'the girls'
-Anonymous 6/5/2009
I am a young single mom, I work full time and take part time university courses, needless to say when I come home from work I love to see my four year old there,and say hello with a big hug and kiss, but thats it, all I can think about is getting dinner started and how soon I can get her to bed so I can start on everything else that needs to be done
-Anonymous 6/5/2009
Twins.... double the joy and pleasure? All I see right now is double the pain and work and effort and yelling and ...aaaaaaaaaaagh.... its so hard to cope...they're only a year old and I find myself struggling to be the kind of PATIENT mother I always Wanted to be.
-Anonymous 6/5/2009
I am a bad mother because i have become addictided to chocolate and junk food. i was so sick during pregnancy that i lost a ton of weight. now i compulsively eat crap while breastfeeding....will my poor eating make my baby retarded or soemthing?
-Anonymous 6/3/2009
Here's been my daughter's diet for today:
Breakfast--junior sundae and corndog from Sonic
Lunch--Cheetos and Diet Coke
Dinner--neopolitan ice cream
Who am I, Britney Spears?
-Anonymous 6/4/2009
My mother has become a cow after she met her new boyfriend. I wish she would see how unintelligent he is and gets rid of him. She likes him more than her children. I'd rather her be alone until I move out of the house.
-Anonymous 6/3/2009
My mother often gloats about this one, and I can't help but laugh at the visual image of it:
When i was an infant, my mom was holding me close to her chest and i, not knowing better, bit the flesh near her collar bone. Well, according to my mother, without thinking twice, she bit me right back in the exact same spot believing that it would bar me from ever biting her again. Thanks, Mom!
-Anonymous 6/3/2009
I just spent the entire weekend with my 14 year old daughter, alone. The rest of the family was on a camping trip. Instead of doing something productive, we spent the ENTIRE weekend in front of the computer watching "Heroes" seasons 2 and 3 on Netflix. The WHOLE weekend. Oh, the guilt! .
-Anonymous 6/1/2009
I give my daughter the silent treatment, atleast once a month. I won't even look at her. It is for silly reasons, I know, but I don't care.
-Anonymous 5/31/2009
my confession is: when i had my son, my mother and my relationship was sacrificed. it started when he was and infant, wanting to feed him what she wanted. then he had food allergies and she still wanted to feed him anything she wandted. she taught him to keep secrets from me and to lie to me. she also would go to the park without having a car seat, and to another town 30 min. away without a car seat. she had converstions about sucking on titty's to eat at the age of 4. she also has been in jail several times for stealing, we think she stole with our son with her.i dont have contact with her now and i dont want her around my son
-Anonymous 5/28/2009
Sometimes the only way I can get my son to his dinner without jumping up and down is to act like a Drill Sergeant!!
-Anonymous 5/26/2009
I separated from my sons father, now a dead beat father... 2 years later I found my soul mate, he interacts with my son very well and someday in the future we will get married. Now that I am building my future with a special man and will someday have our own children, I wish that my ex won't come around and my son would just forget about his biological father so that I won't have to deal with my ex and go on with my life and new family.
-Anonymous 5/26/2009
I had my daughter when I was 17 yrs old, honestly I wanted to have abortion or put her up for adoption. But my mother kept telling me about these women who had abortion.."she went into depression" "she got mentally ill" etc. She also said if I gave my daughter up for adoption, she would take her and raise her. I felt like I had no choice but to have her. So now my daugher is 4 years old, and I'm still angry at myself for the choice I made. I feel like I don't have a life anymore, I work but all the money goes to feeding, clothing, daycare, toys, etc. for her! I can't get child support for the father just because he doesn't work!!! He's 22 years old and still lives with his mother who pays his bills!!
I love my daughter but sometimes "this" is too much..
I'm a bad mother... : (
-Anonymous 5/25/2009
I am 40 years old..very over weight; have 2 children. I just want alone time from my children and husband.
-Anonymous 5/25/2009
When my oldest son was Eleven he complained about not being able to see far away very well. I poo pooed him and said that it had not been that long since he had had an eye exam. The next school year the school nurse told me to take him to the eye doc because he said he was still having trouble. I thought he was just being dramatic. Sure enough he was telling the truth. I was so sick that I did not believe him. On the way home on the day we went and got his glasses all he kept saying was "oh I can see that sign now" Or " Look how big those trees are". Needless to say that I cried. He 25 now and I still feel bad!
-Anonymous 5/20/2009
I think this site is great! And the other day i left my own bitchy complaint. After watching a documentary about Chinese women who work in factories and make a measly $60 a month, forced to work for days on end with out sleep, eating horrible food that they have to pay for, and being fined for falling asleep at work....well, lets get some perspective. Some of us may just well be horrible mothers. But I bet we are all better mothers then we think we are. Every one of us visiting this site in a moment of frustration and dispare have the opportunities and resources to make tomorrow a better day for ourselves and our children. So don't worry if you mess it up today! Just get up and do better. To quote one of the worst mothers in fictional history, "After all, tomorrow is another day."
-Anonymous 5/20/2009
Today, my husband came out and told me that I was not pulling my weight when it came to our kids(boy 5 and girl 3). He said that I was ignoring them and not spending enough time with them and that they needed their mother just as much as their father. He also said that he was tired of me being "up under him all the time" and always talking about sex or sexual things. Mind you I'm the only one who is working right now and have been for the past year. As a mother it was absolutely humiliating to hear him say something like that and part of me already knew what he was saying was partly true. I try my best, and at times I feel like I'm being scrutinized about how I parent my children. I come home everyday after an 8-10 hour day, help my son with his homework, feed the children and try to play with them but by then I'm soo tired I just want to be left alone. And yes, while trying to be a good parent I also try to be a good wife by keeping a spark in our rel
ationship that has long since exstingushed but that's an enitrely different issue. Deep down, I do feel like he is a better parent than me and it hurts to think that way but it hurts even more knowing that he thinks the same way.
-Anonymous 5/19/2009
I pinch my son on his bottom when he misbehaves in public.
-Anonymous 5/19/2009
So, I went to a Teacher's meeting because my daughter's teacher has "grave concerns" about my daughter's behaviour. So, I'm like, "what did she do?" and she said "well, she doesn't listen when you call her," and I think "yeah, that is about right." And my ex-husband is like "She always listens when *I* call her" and I think "OK, Biff."
Then she says, "What I am really worried about is that she went up to a parent the other day and told the parent that their kid was doing something wrong, and that the child needed to be punished, and then wanted to know what the punishment was going to be."
The teacher was mortified, my ex-husband's jaw is grinding and he looked as if he was going to bring in the Spanish Inquisition, and I just barely suppressed a laugh. I mean, my child is 6... Call me crazy, I mean, I do have a sensitivity chip, and kids say some pretty funny stuff... And I know my child is difficult, but my first reaction was to picture my 6 year old giving orders.. and it just made me giggle a bit.
-Anonymous 5/18/2009
I yell at my little ones all the time. I am very angry that I gave everything up to have children. I gave up a promising career to have children...some times I think it is worth it. But most times I just want to scream. I am very impatient with my children. My older son has many health issues and mild autism. He needs me 100%. But I am so very bitter inside. I feel guilty that I may have caused his issues by drinking when i did not know I was pregnant. i really do feel like the worst mother ever.
-Anonymous 5/18/2009
When my son was 13 he was blind side tackled in a football game. He pretended to not be in pain so his father wouldn't think he was a sissy. When they arrive home from the game he cried to me telling me how bad his arm was hurting so I put it in a make shift sling and told him he'll be fine. Well two weeks past and he was still complaining about his arm, so I finally took him to the ER and guess what... it was broken :(
-Anonymous 5/15/2009
I feel like a bad mom most of the time. I can't give each of my three kids 100%, because really it's only possible to give each 33.33333% and that's if I just let everything else to to hell. Seems like a bum deal for them sometimes. I feel so tired with the housework it's impossible some nights to even have the energy to kiss them good night.
My first grader got an F on her spelling test this week. Yhea, my fault. It's my homework to teach her. It's not that I don't want to spend the time with her, but where do I get the time? The school principal called me today to tell me my fourth grade son pooped on the floor in the restroom because he thought is was funny. NICE! Gotta love motherhood and the "shit" it throws at you.
I just hope when they're all grown up they will still love me and appreciate how hard I've tried for them.
-Anonymous 5/14/2009
my mom lives at an assisted living facility although can take care of herself..instead of coming to my home for Christmas Day to be with me and the rest of her family she stated she since we were having a brunch she did not want to come as she would be too full for the turkey dinner at the assisted living facility.
very hurtful
-Anonymous 5/14/2009
my mom lives at an assisted living facility although can take care of herself..instead of coming to my home for Christmas Day to be with me and the rest of her family she stated she since we were having a brunch she did not want to come as she would be too full for the turkey dinner at the assisted living facility.
very hurtful
-Anonymous 5/14/2009
